This week My wife and I had the rare opportunity of speaking on Hope fm during the morning activate program. We were invited to go and speak on some marriage issues which we will continue to be addressing every Thursdays between 8 and 9 a.m this month. The first challenge that we were asked to address is the question, "Why are many men walking out of their marriages and relationships. This question really come as a result of many ladies requesting for prayers for their men. What a way to start. And so in this month of February, which also happens to be the valentine month, my focus will be on marriage and relationships.
The Holy Bible in the book of Genesis chapter 3 talks of the genesis of man’s problem. The first man Adam, our forefather was given authority to be fruitful, multiply and subdue the earth. He had authority over all the animals and whatever name he gave them, that is what God called them. God saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone and so He gave Adam a helper suitable for him, the woman Eve. God had commanded Adam that he could eat of the fruit of any tree in the garden except the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. But one bright morning, the devil came in the form of a snake and tempted Adam and his Bride. And Eve fell for the trap and thus came the fall of man.
The most intriguing thing in this account from the Bible is that when the devil was seducing Eve to eat of the forbidden fruit, Adam was right there beside her.
“So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate.” Genesis 3:6
This is where the man failed and thus the fall of man. This has become one of man’s (as a gender) greatest problems. The sin of passivity is one of the greatest problems bedeviling most men. Many women complain of their men not taking initiative and responsibility. They are just there, like Adam, doing nothing saying nothing especially in conflict. Men wish things will just go back to normal in their relationships with their wives without taking any action. What they don’t realize is that, if wishes were true then beggars would ride. Unfortunately there ain’t any beggars riding horses, only knights in shinning amours. Many men like bragging about being the head of their house, what they don’t realize is that leadership means taking initiative and being responsible. Men need to take the initiative, as they did while approaching their woman, in talking to their wives, in asking for forgiveness when they mess, in trying to resolve the conflicts that arise in marriage. Our wives want to see us always taking the initiative when things aren't working in the relationship. They want to see us initiating conversation with them even when things aren't bad and not waiting for them to throw tantrums due to the frustration with our silence. The greatest enemy of men in marriage is passivity, we only seem to take initiative where tsex is concerned and that too there are some men who still cannot even initiate sex. The second Adam, our Lord Jesus, didn’t wait for us to call out for Him in our sinful nature, but instead, He took the initiative and clothed Himself in frail humanity, came down and died for us on the cross; thus winning us back to Him. Now that is the rise of man. Men, let us rise up and get rid of our passivity, and take the initiative if we want to succeed in our marriage.
The second area in which Adam fell and we men do often fail in many times is that of playing the blame game, we shift the blame. We always want to blame others (especially our spouses) and everything else rather than take responsibility for our own actions.
“The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”
-Genesis 3:12
When Adam first saw Eve, he became poetic in describing her. But now, he was like telling God, “you know God, it is your fault, if you hadn’t given me this woman, this would not have happened,” The fact is that Adam, you ate it. The woman gave it to you; you could have refused to take it. In fact, had you taken action when you were supposed to take action things wouldn’t have come this far. Now that they have, take responsibility and repent instead of playing the blame game. Many times I have been guilty of playing this game myself. I want to blame my wife for my anger, for my reactions which many times have caused her much hurt. And then even after hurting her, I still am too proud to come down, humble myself, yes take responsibility and repent. Instead, I want to justify myself like Adam did shifting the blame to stress at my work place, or what my wife did or the children did that made me react, yes react, instead of responding. The second Adam took responsibility of things that He didn’t even do by dying for us at the cross. Even at the height of humiliation by mere mortal men, He didn’t react, instead He responded by keeping His mouth shut in the midst of intense provocation. That’s my hero men, that’s what it means to be a leader, to be a man, taking responsibility and being in control. Don’t be like those people who say, “The devil made me do it.” Nobody can make you do it, nobody including your wife or kids can make you angry, only you can make yourself do it, so take responsibility for your own actions and quit playing the blame game.
As men, if we will take initiative and take responsibility, then we will witness the rise of men at home and thus will be wonderful husbands to our wives. That is what leadership is all about, that’s what being the head, is all about.
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